Are we not family?

What is the context in which the transition from heterosexual marriage to partnering with a woman becomes possible? Feminist postmodern theory provides the theoretical foundation for this research project, which examines the dominant binary discourse in sexual identities, the nature of heterosexuality, and the cultural context that both facilitates and inhibits this transition. Autoethnography is the research methodology employed, which affords the ability to be both subject and researcher. As such, the researcher moves between personal narrative and the cultural landscape and then back again, highlighting the roles of language and the dominant cultural discourses. Ideas considered 'normal' or 'natural' such as heterosexuality, the binary construction of sexual identity and what constitutes healthy child development are deconstructed and reconsidered. Results indicate that the dualistic binary construction of sexual identities, steeped in the theory of biological essentialism, is still a very powerful and privileged cultural narrative. The limitations of dualistic thinking are elucidated as they relate to the dichotomous hetero/homo depiction of both individuals and families. The categories of heterosexuality and homosexuality can best be understood as bodies of knowledge, rather than as static entities. This research reveals the presence of an additional narrative, that of sexual fluidity for women, which has not become integrated into the dominant discourses. Heteronormativity and heterosexism are ubiquitous and pervasive facets of the cultural context; heterosexuality remains the dominant and privileged mode of relating, the standard against which 'others' are measured. This has hampered both theory and research by exerting pressure for individuals and families to assimilate to heterosexual norms. It has further inhibited theorizing about the presence and impact of heterosexual privilege in the marriage and family therapy literature. The words marriage and family are central to of one of the most fiercely debated issues of our time. At stake is the very definition of marriage: Who controls the definition, and for what purpose? Due to the pervasive cultural climate of heteronormativity, implications for the field of marriage and family therapy include the need to actively re-define marriage as inclusive of gay and lesbian couples. Future directions for research are discussed.